The Reckoning
by dirkcs
Summary: Edward suffers from his breakup with Bella who ends up being an emotional wreck.  Will he be able to pull through his pain and will he be able to escape a sword wielding killer who currently hunts Vampires and Werewolves?  Adult Readers Only


**The Reckoning  
**

A small apartment room stands devoid of light with the blinds closed tight for the purpose of preventing the slightest hint of sunlight from entering. Smelling of anus and booze a pasty man sat on his comforter in

the center of the room sulking in despair with nothing to wear but his dignified silky panties and a pink robe with hearts on it. "Oh Jesus, oh god, how could I lose her, how could I lose my Bella!" the sorry excuse for

a man wailed pathetically causing the neighbors to hit his floors with the thud of a broomstick. "Hey, could ya shut the fuck up, we're trying to sleep down here!" the neighbors yelled clearly through the poorly

soundproofed floors. "No no no no, you shut up, you don't know how it feels to be in love and lose it all!" the pasty man cried back ending with a string of sniffles. "Oh could ya just keep it down you fuckin pussy!"

the neighbor mumbled with a final thud. The pasty man's name is Edward Cullen and ever since Bella left him to try double penetration with the werewolves his life has never been the same. His hygiene has

deteriorated as a result of the dumping from the deep throating maiden of his dreams. Although there was a time when he took showers everyday, he hasn't taken a shower for about two weeks and now he stinks

like rotting tomatoes and cabbage; however the smell could also be emanating from the rotting food in his refrigerator. "Oh fate, how can you be so cruel, I'll never sparkle like I used to" Edward whined as he

scratched his testicles that were sticky from the residual weeks of dried sweat. His skin didn't sparkle as bright as it used to because of his poor decision to become a vegan as a vampire when vampires need blood

to live and now his life and brain power slowly drain away from what little life and intelligence he had originally.

Three knocks in quick succession sounded off of Edward's door distracting him from his despair that would eventually kill him. "Bella, is that you?" Edward spoke up with a new sense of hope and a rejuvenated

sparkle to his eyes. "Yes, this is Bella, and I'm here to see you" answered a feminine voice to Edward's question who giddily skipped to the door with a renewed reason to live. As Edward drew closer to the

door the entryway exploded open causing the frail vampire to fly against the wall and quickly drop to the floor. A tall well built man with a dark trench coat gripping a white dragon hilt katana quickly walked through

the door towards Edward invoking a look of fear and curiosity from the grounded vampire. "Actually I'm Duncan MacLeod of the clan MacLeod and I'm here to take your head" the trench coat wearing man spoke

confidently as he raised his katana that would surely cut off Edward's head in a matter of seconds. "Ohhh you're gonna take my head huh, I might like that actually, I'm actually recently broken up and umm, I'm single

now" Edward said as he reached in his girly silk panties and pulled out a penis that resembles a noodle sized pink dog dick with a squirrel sized pubicle sack. As quickly as he took out his shameful man parts Duncan's

katana sliced quickly cutting off the head of Edward's noodle sized pink dog dick, which spurted a fountain of blood spraying all over the apartment carpet and walls. Edward screamed in agony with the voice of an

eight year old girl as he yelled "Oh my god, I thought you liked me, oh my god!" Duncan stepped back knowing the blood would soon stop spraying and he didn't want to get his trench coat dirty because he had a

date soon. "I took one of your heads, now I'll take the other one, there can be only one group of immortals in this world and it isn't the vampires" Duncan said as he raised his katana for the final deathblow. In a last

attempt to save his own life Edward begged "I'll do anything, spare me, I'll even suck your dick, not that I'd mind either way". The annoyed Duncan quickly sliced off the pleading head of the kneeling Edward

executioner style to rid himself of the sissy whiny vampire before he could annoy Duncan any further. "Well that's it for the vampires, now for the werewolves" Duncan whispered to himself before he left the

apartment building.

Bella put on her shirt that was stretched out from being ripped off so many times as she scratched her vagina that dripped period blood. "So was that better than your sissy boy Edward" a man behind her

arrogantly laughed. "Oh yes Jacob, so much better, I love the feeling of your animal penis when you go werewolf on me, so, I never met the one that was doing me in the butt while you were doing me in my coochie"

Bella said with a wide grin. "Actually that was my pet donkey Jerry, isn't he a riot" Jacob giggled with a childish expression on his face. This initially disgusted Bella but that feeling soon subsided after she realized that

having sex with a werewolf was the same as having sex with any other type of animal. "So how about round two with my chimp Jon Jon" Jacob suggested with a raised eyebrow. Just before Bella was about to nod

her head she heard Jacob groan before his blood splattered on her deceptively childlike innocent face. Behind Jacob stood Duncan with his katana through the werewolf's stomach causing him to change to animal

form on his knees from the intense pain. With a gun in her pocket Bella had a life changing decision; she could save Jacob by shooting Duncan and have more animal orgies, or she could let Jacob die and try to

seduce this new man in front of her that she has an instant attraction to. "Oh what do I do, my life is so tragic, do I choose this beautiful stranger, or do I choose Jacob, or how about Edward, oh no, I don't know

who to choose" Bella the eternal victim cried in an attempt to get any kind of attention. "Bella, you cheating whore, urgh, there's one last thing I want to tell you, I have an advanced form of animal herpes, my gift to

you" Jacob groaned before Duncan chopped off the head of the kneeling animal as he rolled his eyes at the stupidity of the situation. Bella yelled "you son of a bitch, now I have to lie to all the new men I sleep with

and now I'll be even more itchy than usual!" As Duncan turned his back and started to walk away Bella tugged on his trench coat which quickly got the attention of his katana near her throat. "Tee hee, well hello

there, don't listen to anything Jacob said, I don't have herpes ehe..." Bella said in a charming fashion in an attempt to seduce the departing Highlander. Duncan looked down at her gaping vagina that looked like you

could run a metal foot long Subway sandwich inside and still have room to move as you grinded on the trail of period blood and newly forming bumps that could only be the result of sprouting herpes. "I'll pass"

Duncan said as he continued on his path. Before Bella could pull her gun on Duncan in a jealous rage she felt a warm sensation on her chest. "He's mine bitch" a woman's voice echoed behind Bella before she

realized that the warm sensation was from the point of a sword sticking through her chest. Bella collapsed and tried to gasp for air but could no longer breathe as she felt her vagina give out in a loud queef that

spilled a mysterious liquid that was a mixture of various vaginal diseases and period blood. The drama queen's teeth hit a curb before Amanda curb stomped her teeth into cement with a bloody burst leaving a facial

expression that reminded Duncan of Lady Gaga's O face. "Geez, you could have let her live Amanda" Duncan said as he smiled before he sheathed his sword. "No way, that bitch was going to kill you and take your

head, plus I've saved the mortals from her vaginal diseases" Amanda argued as she hugged the towering Scotsman. "Well yes, I suppose that's true, you saved the mortals from the plague she would've inflicted on

all of mankind" Duncan rationalized before he gave Amanda a long passionate kiss. The couple walked away with the goal to hunt all of the remaining vampires and werewolves that plagued the land alongside his

good friend Methos and the rest of his immortal friends. After the sissy vampires and cliche male model werewolves were all dead the world lived happily ever after with the exception of crying, brain-dead fan girls.

The End

Josh


End file.
